The Eradicator
Characters * The Eradicator played by Bruce McCulloch * Brent Armstrong played by Mark McKinney * Brent's Secretary * Business Man played by Scott Thompson * Squash Player played by Dave Foley * James Thorson played by Kevin McDonald Video Script (Scene: opens to a business meeting. Mark stands with a pointer in hand, and businessmen sit round the table) Mark: Ah, if you gentlemen would like to turn to page six, we'll take a look at the international review. Now, I know it's ah (clears throat) common knowledge that we ah, lost some money in the last quarter, but I feel it's premature to blame our logo (points to logo). Now... Bruce: Armstrong!! Which one of you pus-heads is Brent Armstrong? Scott: The guy with the pointer. Bruce: Figures. Woman: I'm sorry Brent, he wouldn't wait. Mark: Ah-who the hell are you? Bruce: I am the Eradicator (looks at business men). The Eradicator. Armstrong, you missed our squash game. Mark: Oh, the D-Squash Ladder. Bruce: Yeah (points to head)! Mark: I'm sorry I forgot. I was very rude. Bruce: So, we'll call it a default then. Mark: Whatever. Bruce: Another win for the Eradicator!! I climb the D-Squash Ladder one rung at a time. Today, you are my rung Armstrong!! (tosses Mark a squash with Eradicator symbol on it. runs to door and stops) Don't try to follow me, I have a cab waiting (points wo head. runs down hallway). Eradicator!!! (Scene change: outside locker room) Dave: Nice game, you deserved it (shakes Kevin's hand). Kevin: Thanks. It was fun. Dave: Who you playin' next? Kevin: Um...(looks to D-Squash Ladder) E-radi-ca-tor. Dave: Ooo-must be good, he beat Brent Armstrong. Kevin: Yeah. Bruce: (jumps out of hallway with racket and bag in hands) Eradicator!! (swings racket freely. Dave and Kevin bewildered) Eradicator!! Dave: Hi there. Kevin: And ah, who are you? Bruce: I am your worst nightmare. Kevin: Maurice Lawerence from high school? Bruce: No, I didn't go to your high school. Oh! You know too much about me already. I am the Eradicator (points racket at Kevin). Dave: Oh (shakes head with Kevin). Bruce: When I stand atop th D-Squash Ladder, then and only then will I reveal my true identity. James Thorson, I shall defeat you! Kevin: Great, how 'bout Tuesday morning? Bruce: (takes schedule out of bag) Ah-Tuesday is not good for the Eradicator. How 'bout Wednesday, 8:15 AM? Kevin: Sure, that will be fine. Bruce: You will now spend each moment between now and the match worrying. Every minute will be a universe of terror, and marothon of fear. Kevin: 8:15, I'll try not to forget. Bruce: Don't try to follow me. Tick, tick, tick. Eradicator (runs back down hallway)!! (Scene change: squash court. Bruce asleep in corner.) Kevin: G'morning! Bruce: Euh! Eradicator!! Kevin: I'm not late, and I? Bruce: No. I slept here all night to get a feel for the court. Kevin: Great. Well, let's rally for serve. Bruce: (swings racket) Let the carnage begin. (Scene change: showers) Kevin: Well, you almost won the second game. Bruce: I think my mighty scream was a bit off. Kevin: I think it was your serve. Bruce: Do you wanna unmask me? Kevin: No. I'm fine. Bruce: It's your right. Kevin: No. Everything's okay. Bruce: Okay. Kevin: Hey! You can always join the volleyball team. (Scene change: Bruce with a volleyball with the Eradicator symbol on it.) Bruce: Eradicator! (hits ball.) Scene ends. Category:Season 1 Category:Sketches